Every question answered by Ede
Q1. Have you enjoyed your life so far?
I would say I have found my life challenging I have loved having and bringing up my children and get great enjoyment from them and spending time with them However I have found life very hard work and feel often overwhelmed I have found my mentality hasn’t helped either Always needing to please at my own cost and feeling guilty if I don’t do what is asked of me, In short, I would not say I have not enjoyed my life but would not want to relive it.
Q2. Do you like yourself?
So I have things that I like about myself and things that I don’t.
I like that I have been a good mum and have always tried to put their needs first. I like that I try to help people if I can and am unselfish But there are a lot of things that irritate me about myself. I am very insecure and jealous and I worry about everything. I also think I know why someone has done or said something when in reality I don’t know at all and this has led to me getting upset needlessly. I also always think of the worst-case scenario rather than the positive. I have in the past been extremely short-tempered, but with age, I am getting better
In short, I would hate to have to live with me but when the shit hits the fan, I am great to have in your corner!
Q3. Tell me a story.
A memory that I relive often throughout my life was when I was in school. I was bullied by a girl and this had gone on for several months. It had affected me terribly and although I asked my dad what to do, I had been told to ignore her. This was not at all helpful.
One day whilst me and my friend were on dinner door duty, this bitch walked through the door, this was not allowed. My friend without thinking told the bully to she wasn’t allowed to come in. The bully went to go for my friend and as she did, I tripped her up and she fell to the floor. She got up and went for my friend again and I stood in front of her. I would have never done that if she had gone from me, but as it was me protecting my mate I didn’t think twice. Nothing happened then and nothing happened after. It is a story I have told my children over the years. I try never to back down from bullies and would hope that although I look back and get upset by how she made me feel, she taught me not to be a coward and stand up for yourself.
Q4. What's something you've always wanted to do?
I can’t say that I have always wanted to do anything really. I have never had those types of thoughts.
But as I have gotten older I have dreams of what I would like to do, Buy an old house and renovate it. Travel around Ireland, Scotland and France, but never book anything, just drive and see where we end up.
Q5. What gives/gave you meaning in life?
Total cliche, but the only thing that has given my life meaning is my family They are the only thing that I care about and am interested in
Oh and booze and fags!!!
Q6. What piece of music makes you feel the most?
For this question, you get to take a look into the connections people have with music and why particular songs can captivate you. sometimes music can just hit you for no reason, there is just something about the track that makes you feel a certain way. But, most of the time there is a connection to the song that triggers that emotion. A happy memory or a lyric that you feel strongly about. Reading these answers made me realise, that these moments in time, where everything is perfect for that split second or not and everything is terrible, prove that you are alive and feel. Being able to use music as a way of preserving those memories or emotions for later on in life is beautiful.
Q6. What piece of music makes you feel the most?
For this question, you get to take a look into the connections people have with music and why particular songs can captivate you. sometimes music can just hit you for no reason, there is just something about the track that makes you feel a certain way. But, most of the time there is a connection to the song that triggers that emotion. A happy memory or a lyric that you feel strongly about. Reading these answers made me realise, that these moments in time, where everything is perfect for that split second or not and everything is terrible, prove that you are alive and feel. Being able to use music as a way of preserving those memories or emotions for later on in life is beautiful.
Q7. If the ghost of Christmas past, present or future could visit you this Xmas, which would it be?
I am going for the ghost of Christmas past
I would love another Christmas when my kids were little and so excited for Christmas The mayhem sorting everything out and mad wrapping till the early hours All my family together Christmas Day at my mum’s. It had a feel about it
I love my Christmas now at our home with our kids, but to have our kids young again would be really special.
Q8. Did this past year go as expected for you? What do you anticipate this year?
For me, this year has flown. I can’t believe my youngest is about to sit her GCSEs in the summer I think that I have learned not to expect anything from life and just go with it. I think if you hope for life to go a certain way you will always be disappointed. no one has died and me and mine are well and so that is good enough for me
I hope next year is the same
Q9. What’s the worst pain you have ever felt?
The worst pain is an easy one - childbirth. It really does sting!! especially when the head comes out, can’t describe the contractions and the worst part is you have no control over it and the more you tense up to try to prepare yourself the worse the pain is. But, it’s the one pain that’s worth every second.
And the tea and toast after are the best you will ever have
Q10. What Scares You?
My biggest fear dates back to when I became a single mum and I immediately had a panic that something would happen to me and I would not be alive to bring my boys up.
I began to pray and ask to stay alive for as long as they are old enough and then I am happy to go whenever. Then I had my daughter and my prayer grew for a longer time. It’s so strange because I am not a religious person, but 21 years later and I am still doing It. The idea petrifies me that I could leave them not being old enough to cope with grief. I absolutely cannot bear the thought of it and has given me several sleepless nights over the years.
Q11.At what point in your life were you the happiest you have ever been?
So, I think my answer is a bit bittersweet. As I appreciate the terrible sadness it caused. But, for me, my happiest time was the first lockdown. Although, like everyone else, I was terrified of myself or my family getting COVID and was gutted for all the people who were affected. I loved how the world just stopped and we all just got back to basics. Having to learn to not do anything, not rush, not go outside and not have to live at such a pace. I loved learning how to cook and allowing myself to do nothing. It was so different from my normal usual life.
It taught me so many things about myself and changed me forever. I am a much calmer person, I do not need to do anything anymore. I am happy just sitting, much to the joy of my husband. I loved sitting out in the garden, drinking with my family and just being content doing nothing. Walking at 6am because we could, with no cars on the road and people on bikes. It was such an unbelievable time, for those lucky enough to survive a life-changing experience.
Q12.How do you express yourself?
Really boring answer, but I don’t draw or paint and don’t have any hobbies, so it's a hard one to answer for me.
But I think I express myself with how I decorate my home
Q13.What question had the most impact on you? Would you change any of your answers now it’s been a year?
Ok so the question that had the most impact on me was what scares you the most. I have always felt scared about dying and leaving the kids, but I never really told anyone except my family, so saying it out loud was quite scary. I feel like recently I have been drinking smoking and eating too much which has really made me question myself and I’m going to try to calm down so I don’t worry about dying
The answer I would change is did the past year go as planned and what do I anticipate for this year? I think today’s answer would be last year was quite stressful and I anticipate next year to be worse! And if I had said that, I would have been spot-on
It’s been a shit year so far!!!
Q14.What things do you always think about on a daily basis?
The things I think about on a daily basis are the same as my answer to the question “What scares you the most?”. I think every day about hoping I will live until my kids are old enough to cope and handle me dying. It is always in my mind and I hate it. Never has this felt more real than this week. I also think on a daily basis how content I am with my life and how happy my own family makes me feel, Especially my other half who makes me laugh every day whether I want to or not.
S2 Q1 Tell me the Best and the Worst thing that happened to you last year. Has it changed your approach going into this year?
Last year was without a doubt the worst year of my life
I thought it started badly when my daughter had to go to hospital, but that was just the start. My dad was ill and we were back and forth to the doctor almost weekly but then suddenly my mum passed away. Your mind is a really strange thing because I couldn’t believe she was gone and if I’m honest I still can’t. We are all looking after my dad but I’m just still expecting her to walk through the door.
The best thing that happened was my daughter passed her GCSEs even though she was really struggling with her health. I am so proud of her for not giving up, But even better than that was how as a family we have all pulled together and supported each other. Many families fall out after a bereavement and I was petrified it would happen to us, but the opposite has happened and I am really grateful. I feel more than ever that you have to live your life for now, If you want to do something don’t put it off, If you want to say something nice then say it. It’s important that you try to make the people you care about feel loved and supported
S2Q2. Tell me a childhood memory you think about a lot.
A childhood memory that I think about a lot is when I was 15 and we started to go out to clubs in Barry Island. It wasn’t about getting drunk and meeting boys, but about dancing and feeling like we were finally growing up
I used to wish the week away so that we could go over again. We had such a laugh getting ready and using fake ID to get into the clubs. Choosing what to wear and walking home along Island Road after the club closed
It was amazing
Me and my husband talk about songs we loved and which club was which. We didn’t know each other at the time but we must have been there at the same time. I remember that time often and with such amazing memories
S2Q3. Write a poem about something you love
As soon as Friday wakes up
I start to feel a thrill
Cos soon it will be drinky time
And that makes me feel brill
It’s not to get too blotto
Or get me in a mess
It’s just to be in my happy place
And forget about my stress
We sit in the back garden
and talk about our day
And try to make light of our situation although that’s hard I must say!!!
But it always makes me feel better, a drink, a fag, a chat
A game or two of Spotify
And I’m better, as easy as that!!
The best is when there’s sport on
We watch it on the tele
The rugby, tennis, football
It’s my favourite more than any
I absolutely love it
especially in the sun
We sit out here for hours
And really do have fun
I suppose it may sound shallow
It may sound a little rough
But drinking with my family
Is the best time
So it’s just tough!!!
S2Q4. Tell me something embarrassing that's happened to you
So I had met my now husband and really liked him and we were getting on swimmingly. The problem is, like my mum, I am a very windy person and so I struggle with stopping farting. However, 3 months in and I was still holding strong!!
One night, just as we were dropping off to sleep, I accidentally let out a short, sharp fart! I was mortified and very quickly said ‘ aw I’ve got a really bad belly’
Over the years and as we became more comfortable with each other, many farts passed his way, with him often saying ‘your bad belly’s back again love’
S2Q5. What’s something you know a lot about?
I don’t really think I know a lot about anything and I think I know less and less as I get older. I think I know a lot about kids and how to support them and show them attention but whether that is true is to be judged by them. My experience of working with kids in school has given me the opportunity to try to help but I do wonder if I make much difference.
