Every question answered by Pip Squeak

Q3. Tell me a story.

I went on holiday to Magaluf when I was in my teens. I was a bit of a looney back then and into my 20’s on the drink and would do anything to get a laugh. On the first night in the hotel after coming back from one of the clubs I decided to squirt every fucker that dared walk the corridors with a fire extinguisher. Girls, boys, security - you name it they had it. This went on for a good hour on multiple floors until I realised, oh shit, it’s like winter fucking wonderland in here, every twat is either crying or wants to punch my head in, I better hide in my mates room. As I was so hanging the only place I could think to hide the fire extinguisher was to throw it off the balcony and the only place I could hide myself was in the corner of the main room with a towel over my head. For about 30 minutes I could hear my friends laughing and also worried that they might get kicked out of the hotel, while saying ‘Everyone can see you, you can’t hide there’. Not long after I could hear a commotion outside and doors being knocked getting closer and closer, then our door got knocked and one of the boys answered. At the door was the manager (Spanish man mid 50’s) and the head rep (woman early 30’s big tits not much of a looker) ‘Where is he’
‘He’s over there
Mates dobbed me right init.
So I stood up, instantly sobered up thinking play it cool, wrapped the towel I had on my head around my waste and zig zagged to the front door.
Rep started shouting at me saying ‘What the fuck have you done, look at the state of this hotel, pack your stuff Ya leaving’
The manager says ‘€1500 euro fine, once you’ve paid, get out
I put my hands up and said ‘Hey it’s our first night things have got out of hand I’m so sorry, we’ve got a bit exited. I’ll help ya cleaners clean the place and we ain’t got €1500 will €500 do?
Rep starts shouting at me.
I said ‘Wow let me speak to the manager’
He said, ‘I don’t care you’ve got to go - someone through a fire extinguisher off the balcony and it’s gone through a taxi drivers windshield’
I said ‘ how about €1000 and I help you clean?’
As I said that, my towel dropped and the rep put her hands over her eyes and the manager turned around as I didn’t realise but I was bollock naked.
The manager turned around and said ‘Bring €1000 euros to the main desk by 10am or your out’
Rep said ‘cover yourself for fuck sake’
And both walked off
I said ‘Gracias senior’
Paid up but had like €400 euros left for a 7-day holiday